According to Google Trends the most searched term for the day is “jasmine fiore playboy”. If you have been watching the news lately then you know who Jasmine Fiore is. If not then here’s a quick rundown.

The lovely Jasmine, 28, whose birth name was Jasmine Lapore, was a swimsuit model who did promotional work for Playboy. She was also an aspiring personal trainer. Unfortunately she is most well known for her death. She was killed and dismembered by her millionaire husband Ryan Alexander Jenkins. Her body was found stuffed inside a suitcase on August 15, 2009.

Ryan Jenkins is known for his role on Megan Wants a Millionaire that aired on VH1. The show has been canceled, but the rumor is Jenkins was the probable winner. He is currently a wanted fugitive and is believed to have crossed the border into Canada.

I don’t know about all the crazy people in this world. You can’t trust anyone anymore. Can you imagine meeting a gorgeous millionaire, getting married and then getting hacked up and stuffed in a suitcase? Something tells me that, that’s not the “American Dream” everyone is searching for. The lesson here is don’t judge a book by its cover. I don’t know much about Jasmine Fiore, but I’m sure she didn’t deserve to be killed, especially like this.

If people would stop all this craziness then the world would be a better place. So stop being crazy and go do something brilliant! : )

Today was bad. I’ve had no energy and the pain was worse than usual. I managed to get a few things done, but not as much as I wanted to. That’s nothing new…It’s been a long time since I was actually able to get everything done that I wanted to do. My house is always half clean and the fish tank well…let’s not talk about the fish tank. I had about 2 ½ good days so it was about time to have a bad one or two or ten. I’m extremely grateful for the good days, but I still get a little discouraged on the bad days. I try to stay happy and most of the time I am, but sometimes the pain is just too much and it’s frustrating. I’m going to bed now and hopefully I will actually sleep. I hope everyone has a good night!

I’m about to begin a new journey in less than a week and I’m a bit apprehensive. I haven’t taken care of kids in about 7 years on a full time basis and now next week I will be taking care of a one year old and a two year old. I hope my body will hold up and let me do this. Seven years ago I was highly capable of doing this, but my health isn’t exactly what it use to be. Fibromyalgia isn’t progressive my ass. The only people who say that Fibro isn’t progressive are those who don’t have it.

This is going to be a challenge and although I’m a little afraid of the whole situation I’m ready. I’m ready to feel like I have a purpose again. Since my sweet Aunt Edna died I’ve felt pretty damn lazy. I went from taking care of her for up to 13 hours a day to sleeping in and feeling useless again. I’m still taking care of her lawn (God, please don’t let me kill everything!), but I loved taking care of her so much more.

A new week, a new journey and hopefully a lot of “no flare” days are ahead of me. I’m hoping for the best. That’s all I can do.

Over the last few years, I have morphed into a new person. I still have the same heart, but I’ve had to change just about every aspect of my life and that has changed me. I’ve had to learn to be stronger than I ever thought I could be and most importantly I’ve learned that without my Faith I have nothing. I may not be someone that you wish to know anymore or you may like me better…either way this is me and I’m changing so that I can have as much of a life as possible with Fibromyalgia.

I didn’t want to change. I liked me just fine before the pain and everything else took over my life, but the more I change, the more I’m learning to like the new me. I still wish that I could party like I use to and go camping without being miserable, but I have to face the reality of my illness. So physically you will notice a lot of changes in me, but inside I’m still the same old me. I’m just stronger now and I’m not going to take any kind of shit from anyone. This is my life and even though it’s not the life I really wanted, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

Everything may be harder for me now, but it’s going to be just fine because I have Faith, Hope and Love. That’s all I need…oh and my medication : ).

I wrote this article years ago and it's one of my favorites because I stepped out of my comfort zone in order to write it. I posted it in my original blog and now I thought I would give it new life and share it with you here. That long enduring relationship is over. The one you spent so much time and love on. Now you’re left wondering if your life will ever be the same. Tears and pain are all you know and you ask yourself the same question every day, “Will I ever find true happiness?” True happiness comes from within. We just have to learn to bring out our inner happiness. Do you feel you need a man to be happy? It took me two years to realize that if you’re not happy with a man, then you don’t have true happiness with a man. I’ve learned to be happy by myself and my happiness from within is with me through good days and bad days. Inner happiness gives you the strength to move on from those bad times and live your life in peace. Of course it’s hard at first. It may even sound impossible, but anything worth doing or learning is going to be hard. I’ve made it through many obstacles recently because I’ve found my inner happiness and so can you. Don’t wait for a man or a good day to be happy. Happiness is in your heart, and it’s only a heartbeat away. Many women rely on men and material things to make them happy. Some women feel that the compassion of a man is more important than their own goals and well-being. Having a good man by your side is a nice feeling, but it is more enjoyable when you have taken care of yourself first. Sometimes when we are in relationships we lose connection with our needs. Our goals and dreams get put aside and the man somehow floats to the top of our priority list. It’s not done intentionally but I’ve found in my observations that sometimes it just happens. It happened to me. I didn’t want it to and I denied it for a long time, until I finally woke up and realized that I was behind on all my goals in life, and no matter how hard I tried to be happy I couldn’t be. Some women would do anything to have a man by her side. These are the women who are always crying about how they need a man and that they can’t handle being single. They don’t need a man but they long for that compassion that only a man can give us. Having a boyfriend will make you happy, but that happiness sometimes feels that it was given to us by an Indian giver. Have you ever been in a relationship where you’re happy one day and you’re totally miserable the next. That Indian giver snatched our happiness right back. I lived this way for two years. My life was a major emotional roller coaster. If my relationship wasn’t going the way I wanted it to I couldn’t be happy about anything. I let material things determine my happiness. This isn’t a healthy way for anyone to live. The divorce rate is climbing to an unbelievable high and it really amazes me when I see a young couple still hanging in there. Recently I met a twenty-six year old mother of three who has been married for almost nine years. When you enter their home it’s the American Dream. Their love and support for each other cannot even be described in words. Although they married at a young age they continue to conquer their dreams together. They are a perfect example of the long lasting effects of true happiness. They’re living out the American Dream and it’s such an uplifting sight. I wish everything could be so beautiful but the world is full of so many painful things. We’ve all seen marriages being torn apart by infidelity and insecurities , innocent girls being both physically and emotionally abused by spouses and boyfriends and what I feel is the worst, a young girl in great depression because she can’t find a good man. A girl who doesn’t even have enough faith in herself to live alone much less go after her dreams. We all must learn to bring out our inner happiness because if we rely solely on material things to make us happy then we are going to miss out on so many important things in life. The world may end tomorrow and we must ask ourselves if we will have anything to show for our time here on earth. We don’t want to die with regrets. It is a given that we all want to be happy and finding our inner happiness is the first step to a happy eventful life, with a side order of accomplished dreams. Receive happiness from within your heart by achieving your goals, making all your dreams reality, and by knowing that you can take care of yourself, for only then will you know that you can take care of someone else. Leave the past behind and create the destiny of your dreams. This true happiness from within will never fade because it becomes a part of your life that you are proud of and that others will recognize. Leave your mark in his world. As you go through life from here when something goes wrong it may get you down, but this time you’ll see it as only a stumbling block instead of a mountain blocking your way.

I’m not even going to talk about my day today. It wasn’t all that bad, but it was boring as hell…therefore nothing to talk about. I’ve been trying to get back into poetry again. It’s been a while since I actually dedicated a lot of time to just writing poetry. I’ve written a couple, but I’m not calling them finished yet. I keep going back and changing little things here and there. I have a hard time with perfectionism with my poems. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes it holds me back. I get it in my head that it’s not good enough to submit to a high paying market so I settle for a low paying online market instead.

Most of the time, the only person holding us back from our dreams is ourselves. It’s time for me to have faith in myself and play with the pros. I’m never going to get anywhere if I let fear and insecurity guide my way. Writing is a hard gig to make a full time living on, but it’s possible and that’s what I want to do. FYI…A job as a freelance writer is not an easy job, like many people make it out to be. Anyone who writes to make money knows how hard it is. What you write has to be perfect, there has to be a market for it and your submission has to stand out from thousands of others. It’s not easy, it’s time consuming and the pay is not always great.

I’m ready to let go of my fear and make myself known. It’s going to be a hard journey, but at least I’ll know that I’m doing something with my life. I may be taking baby steps towards my dreams, but for once, I’ll be heading in the right direction.

I’m sitting at a little lake in my little town typing this post on my little laptop. Sorry I was having a “little” moment. My husband is fishing and I’m just sitting here chillin’, enjoying the cool breeze and the peacefulness. Okay so it’s not totally peaceful…there are some kids across the lake talking extremely loud and there’s quite a bit of traffic, but other than that it’s peaceful. Peaceful moments are good for the soul. That’s about as philosophical as I’m going to get. I tried to elaborate on that, but it just wasn’t working for me. I guess I’m just not in a philosophical mood tonight. Maybe tomorrow I can be enlightening and at peace with my life and the world around me. Today hasn’t been too bad, but maybe tomorrow can be a little better. That’s all we can hope for, right? After all it’s the good days that help us get through the bad days. Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

The last couple of days have been difficult to say the least. I did manage to clean most of house yesterday, which was a great accomplishment for me these days. I can’t believe that something that use to be so easy for me is now so difficult. It frustrates me, but I’m managing okay. The dishes are clean most of the time and we have clean clothes so things are pretty good. I try to focus on the things that I can do instead of those that I can’t do anymore. I decided that, that would be a lot easier on the soul. I’m a naturally happy person so I really don’t dig people or situations that try to keep down. It’s easier to live life happy than miserable. Life is hard enough without a shit load of negativity to deal with. That’s why I said from the beginning if you don’t like something I say then whatever…you can tell me about it or you can quit reading my blog. If you do decide to tell me about it don’t get mad if I don’t argue with you. Life’s too short…state your opinion and move on. I guess I need to go do something productive now. If anyone has any ideas on what I can cook for supper please let me know. Hope everyone is having a great day…be brilliant!

Today hasn’t been too bad. I’m extremely tired as usual, but I’m already use to that wonderful feeling. I just finished my Red Bull so I’ll be okay. I’m watering the grass at my Great Aunt’s house and I’ve already managed to soak myself, but it’s a hot day so it’s all good. The neighbors probably think I’m totally crazy by now. My Great Aunt has been gone for over a month now and I like to come over here because I feel so close to her here. It’s like part of her is still here. I can still hear her “bossing” me around and I can still see her sitting in her green chair. It’s going to be so hard when the house sales and I can’t come over anymore. This has been my safe place for a while now, but I guess it’s time to finally let go. We all have our places where we feel safe and comfortable at, that places where we are free to be who we want to be without anyone judging us. It’s so nice to have at least one place where you can go and just relax and be at peace with yourself and your surroundings, that special place that lets you find yourself. I’m guess I’m going to finish watering and get back to the “real world”. You know that wonderful place where the sink is full of dirty dishes and the laundry room looks like the dirty clothes hamper exploded. Where the floors needto be swept and mopped, the carpet vacuumed, and the beds made. So back to reality I go.

This has been a bad day. I have an earache, a sore throat, sensitive skin and I’m running fever. I just love fibro. I think my body is totally malfunctioning at this point. I almost had a nervous breakdown because I thought I had lost my wedding ring, but turns out that I just forgot to put it on. My memory has definitely seen better days. It scares me to think of what else I forget to do during the day. Did I remember to put my underwear on this morning? I just have to keep moving along though. As they say…the show must go on. If I had some kind of disease like cancer or crippling arthritis or even lupus then people would be more understanding when I’m just not feeling like myself, but with fibro not many people understand and if I spend the day in bed because of the pain, fatigue and fever then I’m just lazy and I’m using the fibro as an excuse. It’s very rare that I will actually stay in bed all day. It has to be a really bad flare and thankfully those are not very often. I have to accomplish something during the day even if it’s just washing the dishes or doing a load of laundry. I don’t want to feel like the fibro is taking over and defeating me. I have to stay in control or I’m going to lose the little bit of “me” that I still have. I’m about to go to a parade and I really want to go, but it’s going to be hot and considering I have a heat intolerance I’m a little bit worried about this. This has caused me to have a vitamin D deficiency, because I can’t handle being in the sun for very long. I get physically sick, it feels like my blood pressure goes up and I start sweating like a man. I’m sure that’s a very attractive quality to have. Thank God I’m married to a very understanding man. Anyways I’m kind of afraid of how the rest of the day will go. Hopefully I can get through without anything worse happening.