Friday, April 30, 2010

What Makes You Angry?

I need to be working whether it be cleaning my house or writing an article, but I’m in pain and it has reached the excruciating point.  Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could live at least a fraction of a normal life.  I want to be able to get up and go to work, then come home and cook and clean.  I want to be able to socialize with my friends without worrying about how much pain I’m going to be in afterwards.  I want to be able to go out of town on a moment’s notice without worrying about how I feel and if I have all my medications.  I just want to be me again. 

I have days that I am at peace with my diagnosis and my new life that has come from it and then I have days where I take too many steps backwards and I’m angry and frustrated and I can’t handle being sick.  Today is one of those days.  I’m tired of having to tell my family and friends that I can go somewhere with them IF I feel okay.  I’m suppose to go see a movie with my niece in a few hours and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to go because the pain is so bad right now.

I know that I have to stay positive in order to survive Fibromyalgia, but some days are harder than others.  I don't want anyone to think that i'm having a pity party.  This is just how I'm feeling right now at this moment.  In a couple of hours I'll be okay, but right now I just need to vent.  It's better to vent now rather than explode later.  That's not pretty and no one wants to see that.  

Fibromyalgia has made my life hard, but everyone has something that makes their lives hard.  I've had my chance to vent so now's your chance.  What makes you angry? 

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Improving Your Mood by Writing

I’ve been writing poetry since I was probably ten or eleven years old.  I don’t write in any particular style…I just write.  Writing in all forms has always been a release for me.  When I’m having a bad I write about it.  If I posted everything I wrote I’m positive everyone would think I was absolutely insane.  Therefore, I keep some things to myself.  I do have an image to uphold after all.  Not really, but it sounded good.

Writing when you’re down really does make you feel better.  You don’t have to be writer to do this.  You don’t have to spell every word write or use proper grammar.  Just write all of your feelings down.  Get it all out.  No one can function properly if they hold everything inside.  All it’s going to do is keep building up until you explode and it’s not going to be pretty. 

The next time you have a bad day try it.  You’ll be amazed at the results.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

You Don't Get Fibromyalgia Until You Get Fibromyalgia

A t-shirt says, “You don’t get Fibromyalgia until you get Fibromyalgia”.  This couldn’t say it any better.  You can read every book and article out there on Fibromyalgia, but until you experience the effects of this illness, you have no idea what it’s all about.  Sometimes I wish my family and friends could walk a day in my shoes.  It would make it so much easier for them to understand why I act the way I do.  Maybe someday everyone will understand and support those with invisible illnesses.  It’s just a dream for now.  I pray every day for this dream to come true.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Little Things

My Grandparent’s house was just a plain orange and red brick house from the outside, but on the inside, it was full of so much love and warmth.  My Meema sat in her brown rocker recliner and rocked slightly as she watched her favorite Soap Opera on their old console television.  Every now and then, her eyes would flicker and her head would fall to the side.  Her sleepiness was a sure sign that lunchtime was near.

My Peepa sat in his matching brown recliner next to Meema in his dirty, white coveralls.  If he was in his chair, he was usually asleep.  I was always quite sure that he was half bear, but I couldn’t prove it. 

It wasn’t long before the smells of fried pork chops, mashed potatoes; corn and green beans came pouring out of the kitchen.  Meema’s house was the place to be at lunchtime, and I made sure I was always there.  Peepa and I gathered at the white kitchen table while Meema put our feast on the table.  Meema joined us at the table and before we took a bite, we bowed our heads to pray.

We finished our lunch and then it was naptime.  I despised naptime, but I could never tell Meema that.  We settled into the living room and I lay down on the blue fluffy couch and pretended to sleep.  Sometimes I would fall asleep by accident, and other times I would just lay their hoping Meema would hurry and open her eyes.  Peepa and Meema went off to dream land and the room filled with loud snoring.  Although Meema’s snoring was light and dainty and Peepa’s was more of a rough growl, they seemed to harmonize with each other.  Read More...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Everything Happens for a Reason

Why does everyone have to make life so complicated?  Everyone pays so much attention to the little things and when they do find themselves with a real problem, they can’t handle it. 

I used to be this person.  It was when Fibromyalgia officially took over my life that I changed my way of thinking.  I no longer had the strength or patience to deal with the little things so I just pushed them aside.  The end result was a happier me who had the ability to handle the bigger situations.

When you have a chronic illness it’s so hard to deal with all of life’s “normal” problems, because you’re already going through so much.  This helps you to prioritize your life and it becomes necessary just to make it through the day without going crazy.

I hate being sick, but being sick has taught me so much.  I can’t say that I would change that if I had the chance.  I am who I am because I have Fibromyalgia.  I don’t think I would like me very much if I wasn’t sick.  I would be a very selfish, stressed out bitch.  Everything happens for a reason and I won't ever stop believing that.  

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