Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Single Again at 30...I Hope I'm Ready for this

It’s hard learning to be single again after being with someone for 9 years.  I was only 21 when I met my husband.  We got married when I was 22 and I thought we were going to live happily ever after.  Now I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down.  How do you say that you’re in love with someone and then cheat.  Obviously there’s something missing if you feel the need to get it from somewhere else.  I can’t forgive him and I know I’ll never forget it.  It wasn’t just cheating.  He lied and made me look like a fool in front of so many people.   How is that love?

I never thought I would be single again at 30.  I’m scared and then on top of everything I still have the Fibromyalgia to deal with too.  It’s so hard to concentrate on taking care of myself with all this going on, but I know I have to.  This all makes me so angry.  It’s not fair and I want my old life back, but I can’t get passed him cheating on me.  I’ll never be able to take him back.  I can’t live with my life with someone who I can’t trust and I’ll never be able to trust him again.

So here I am.  I'm 30, I have a chronic illness and I'm single again.  Who knew my life would end up like this?

Life-Changing Decisions...I've Never Been More Scared in My Life

Life can change in the blink of any eye and it will either make you or break you.  No matter how much you try to prepare for life changes you are never prepared enough for the side effects of those changes.

I’ve recently made a huge life-changing decision and the last 4 weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life.  The next few posts will deal with more of the details of what happened.

I’m terrified, but I know that I made the right decision.  Sometimes you have to do things that break your heart in order to enter the next phase of your life.  Life isn’t easy and no matter how hard you try to make it that way it will never day.  Every day presents a new challenge and if you don’t watch it those challenges can wear you down until you find yourself on your knees unable to keep fighting.

I’m living my life day by day now and the future is hard to focus on.  I have faith that better, much happier days are on the way and that’s what I concentrate on.  My life is centered on happiness right now, not on the bills or my illness.  Nothing else matters, but happiness. 

I will try to update often about my situation as often as possible.  The road I’m on now will be long, but hopefully I’m finally heading in the right direction.

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