Friday, September 25, 2009

Fibromyalgia Poems

I’ve probably had Fibromyalgia for most of my life, but I’ve only been diagnosed for a couple of months now. Although the diagnosis was a great relief, it was still bittersweet because who wants to be told they have an invisible chronic illness that no one understands.

I think that the lack of understanding and acceptance of Fibromyalgia is the second hardest things to deal with. The hardest thing to deal with is knowing that you’ll never be the person you use to be again.

I still think about the things I use to be able to do. Even though I’ve had chronic pain since I was 10 years old, it wasn’t bad enough to keep me from being me. It’s hard for to believe that at one time in my life I actually played softball and basketball. I was always on the go and I loved going out with my friends and staying up until all hours of the night.

Over time, gradually, I started to slow down. It started to take me longer to do simple things and I became a huge procrastinator. I stopped going out as much and when I did go out I wasn’t having as much fun as I use to. It felt like more of a chore than a good time. Cleaning the house became a full time job and it became almost impossible for me to keep the house as clean as I wanted it. Any kind of sports became impossible. I loved to roller blade, but my legs would ache so bad that I eventually just quit trying.

No one even tried to understand what was happening to me and I was called lazy. I guess it was just easier for everyone to throw out accusations instead of trying to understand that there was something really wrong with me. I’m not lazy and what those people don’t know is that when I’m hurting too much and I’m so tired I can’t think straight I cry because I can’t clean the house and I can’t do what everyone expects me to do. I cry a lot when no one is around. I cry and then I go on with my day. Sometimes you just have to let it all out.

I’ve also learned to use my writing as a tool to help me deal with Fibro. I had quit writing poetry many years ago, but after I was diagnosed I started writing poem after poem and it really helped to get my feelings out without crying and getting angry. If you want to check out my first three poems about Fibro click the buttons at the top of the page.

Hope everyone has a good evening. Gentle hugs to all my fellow Fibromites.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hot Creationz Body Jewelry

I'm really excited about the progress of my current website. It has me extremely motivated to continue on with my plan of having my own inventory and website by the end of next year. If you love jewelry as much as I do then check out my site Hot Creationz Body Jewelry.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Fibro Kind of Day

It’s days like this that remind that something is seriously wrong with me. I over did it today and I’m having extreme muscle spasms in my left arm and neck. I wish I could know what it feels like to have a busy productive day and just be tired with aching feet. No muscle spasms, no aching body, no headaches and none of the other million crazy things that are going on inside of me. I just want to be “normal”, but I know I’ll never be. My Rheumatologist asked me if I was depressed. I told him no, but it’s impossible not to be sometimes when you’re living with a chronic pain condition. There are always days like today that make you want to throw yourself a pity party. I told him no because I don’t spend 24/7 in bed feeling hopeless. I live out every day to the best of my ability and some days are awesome and other days are horrible. That’s the way life is with Fibromyalgia. I had a good day today, but I over did it so tomorrow is probably going to be a little difficult to get through. That’s okay…I’ll get through it. I always do. I may cry and I may scream at the time of lungs that I hate Fibro, but I will make it through. No one understands those of us who have Fibro and they probably never will, but that’s okay because we understand each other and that’s more than enough to get us through a bad day. Good night to all my friends, family and Fibro-friends. I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow. Even if it’s not so good, remember to feel blessed anyway!

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