Friday, September 25, 2009

Fibromyalgia Poems

I’ve probably had Fibromyalgia for most of my life, but I’ve only been diagnosed for a couple of months now. Although the diagnosis was a great relief, it was still bittersweet because who wants to be told they have an invisible chronic illness that no one understands.

I think that the lack of understanding and acceptance of Fibromyalgia is the second hardest things to deal with. The hardest thing to deal with is knowing that you’ll never be the person you use to be again.

I still think about the things I use to be able to do. Even though I’ve had chronic pain since I was 10 years old, it wasn’t bad enough to keep me from being me. It’s hard for to believe that at one time in my life I actually played softball and basketball. I was always on the go and I loved going out with my friends and staying up until all hours of the night.

Over time, gradually, I started to slow down. It started to take me longer to do simple things and I became a huge procrastinator. I stopped going out as much and when I did go out I wasn’t having as much fun as I use to. It felt like more of a chore than a good time. Cleaning the house became a full time job and it became almost impossible for me to keep the house as clean as I wanted it. Any kind of sports became impossible. I loved to roller blade, but my legs would ache so bad that I eventually just quit trying.

No one even tried to understand what was happening to me and I was called lazy. I guess it was just easier for everyone to throw out accusations instead of trying to understand that there was something really wrong with me. I’m not lazy and what those people don’t know is that when I’m hurting too much and I’m so tired I can’t think straight I cry because I can’t clean the house and I can’t do what everyone expects me to do. I cry a lot when no one is around. I cry and then I go on with my day. Sometimes you just have to let it all out.

I’ve also learned to use my writing as a tool to help me deal with Fibro. I had quit writing poetry many years ago, but after I was diagnosed I started writing poem after poem and it really helped to get my feelings out without crying and getting angry. If you want to check out my first three poems about Fibro click the buttons at the top of the page.

Hope everyone has a good evening. Gentle hugs to all my fellow Fibromites.


Suzy H. said...

I feel so much of the same feelings. I feel as if I have lost the old me. Its a huge damper on my life right now. I am newly diagnosed but noticed symtoms between 16-18. It really started disabling me after my last baby 2yrs ago. My husband has agreed since our youngest child I have gone down hill completely! It stinks

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