Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Today was better.  I actually managed to get some laundry done and I’m almost done with the dishes.  The rest of the house is still a work in progress, but I feel better knowing that I’ve at least accomplished something. 

When I woke up this morning, things didn’t look too promising.  The weather here is hot and extremely humid and I’m hurting a lot more than usual.  I was exhausted as soon as I got up and this made me quite bitchy.  It’s frustrating when you sleep all night only to wake up and feel like you’ve never been to sleep, but I made myself get dressed and do the whole makeup and hair thing anyway.  I got out of the house for a little while and I started feeling better.

I can’t really say that I’m still feeling better, but I had a few good hours so I’m not complaining.  I cherish the time that I actually feel like a normal person.  Even if it only lasts an hour it’s enough to give me the feeling that I have some control over this demon.  Whether I actually do or not doesn’t really matter…it’s all in the attitude.

Hope everyone has had a great day!

Monday, May 24, 2010

What a Bad Day!

Today has been pretty bad.  It’s just been one of those days where my whole body has gone haywire and the pain…well let’s not talk about the pain. I finally gave up around 3:30 this afternoon and took a 3-hour nap.  I usually don’t give in like that, but on days like today it just wasn’t a choice.  I still don’t feel right, but at least I’m able to function a little.

I’m not a big fan of days like this.  There’s nothing like a constant reminder of how sick I am and how my life is never going to be my own anymore.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better, so I can get out of this mood.  I know that my bad mood doesn’t help the situation, but sometimes I just can’t help it.

Another thing that has me down is that I’m falling every time I turn around.  I either lose my balance or my legs feel like they turn to jello.  It started out kind of funny, but now it’s just getting ridiculous.  I just fell about an hour ago.  I got up from the chair and down I went.  It’s so frustrating.  

Anyways…tomorrow is a new day and if it can be just a little better than today, then I’ll be a happy camper.  Hope all is well with my friends!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Letter to "Normals"

Almost every day I bookmark something on Fibromyalgia. Learning as much as I can about it, helps me to cope with being sick. One of the first things I found while searching for information on Fibromyalgia was the letter to “normals”. There are several different letters, but this one is my favorite. I wish I could express my thoughts on this illness as well as this author did.

There are the things I would like you to understand before you judge me...

Please know that being sick doesn't mean I'm not human. I may spend most of my day flat on my back and I might not seem like great company, but I'm still me stuck inside this body. I worry about school, work, family and friends and I'd still like to hear about yours.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu you probably feel miserable but it will pass. I've been sick for for so long that I can't afford to be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if I sound happy, it means that I'm happy, it does not mean that I am well. I may be in pain and sicker than ever.

Please, don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!".
I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn't mean that I can stand ten minutes, or an hour. It's likely that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I'll need to recover - imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn't repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed or you can move, but with Fibromyalgia it gets more confusing.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting up", "walking", "thinking", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what a fatigue-based illness does to you.

Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It's quite possible (for me, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, and the next I'll struggle to reach the kitchen.

Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!".
If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I'll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please don't take it personally.

Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. Fibromyalgia may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed if you were no longer able to participate in life?) but it is not caused by depression. Telling me that I need exercise is not appreciated or correct - if I could do it, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm doing something. Fibromyalgia does not forgive.

Please understand that I can't spend all of my energy trying to get well. With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But part of having a chronic illness is coming to the realization that you have to spend some energy on having a life now. This doesn't mean I'm not trying to get better. It doesn't mean I've given up. It's just how life is when you're dealing with a chronic illness.

If you want to suggest a cure, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. It's because every one of my friends has already suggested every theory known to man. I tried them all, but quickly realized I was using up so much energy trying new treatments I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured Fibromyalgia, all of us would know about it by now.

If you read this and still want to suggest a cure, submit it in writing but don't expect me to rush out and try it. If it is something new, with merit, I'll discuss it with my doctor.

Please understand that getting better can be a slow process. Fibromyalgia entails numerous symptoms and it can take a long time to sort them all out.

I depend on you - people who are not sick for many things but most importantly, I need you to understand me.

The above text may be printed freely, and shared as needed providing all content is kept intact. No other person shall ever publish this work citing themselves as the author.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Promoting Positive Change

This week has been a trying one.  I’ve been hit with one thing after another and on top of all that I’m in the middle of a very bad Fibro flare.  Life can be so full of unpleasant things.  People lie, promises are broken and you’re always left wondering what the hell to believe.  I guess life is life though.  We can bitch and complain or we can find ways to improve it.  That’s easier said than done, but it can be done…so I’ve heard.  I haven’t quite got to that point yet.  My life consists of a lot of bitching and even more complaining.  I’m not perfect and I don’t try present myself to be! 

My goal for the next few days is to do a little less bitching and a little more improving.  My life is in desperate need of a positive change.  What are some things you do to promote a positive change in your life?

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