Monday, February 28, 2011

Fibro Fog

I’m having one of those days where I can’t figure out anything, even the simplest things. Fibro fog is such an unwelcomed guest.  If it wasn’t for spelling and grammar check I wouldn’t even be writing this right now, much less anything else.

I take care of two kids and I don’t ever remember when I’m supposed to have them anymore so I just wake up every day and wait, which is exactly what I’m doing right now.  It’s good because it gives me a chance to get some writing done, but it drives me crazy that I can’t remember from week to week.

I’m used to the fact that my body is failing and I’m prepared for that as much as I can be, but I had no idea my mind would go too.  That’s the part that I’m having a hard time accepting.  The first time I noticed the Fibro fog I thought I had completely lost my mind.  I was literally like what the hell.  At that time I didn’t know it was Fibro fog because I didn’t even know I had Fibromyalgia yet so it was a little traumatizing.
I can handle it a little better now, because I know that it’s not permanent.  I understand more about it and I know that it’s going to come and go with my flares.  As soon as my mind is clear again I breathe that sigh of relief and go on with my life as usual.

I’m hoping this little episode will clear soon, because I can’t think straight and I don’t want to find my keys in the refrigerator and the milk in the cabinet later on.

I hope everyone is doing well today.  Be brilliant!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

So Ready for Bed...

I’m so ready for bed.  It would be nice if I didn’t have to wait for my blankets to dry and then make my bed all before I can lay down.  Stupid sand and stupid window that is apparently pointless.  My room looks a little less like a sandbox now.  It only took me all day to get everything dusted off, swept up and washed.  I’m still not completely finished, but it’s good enough for now.

I over did it and I’m paying for it.  The pain is insane, my vision is blurry and I just don’t feel right.  That’s what I get for trying to function like a “normal” person.  Oh well I’m not going to complain about it because I know firsthand that it can be a lot worse.  After I get my bed made I’m going to lie down and relax and tomorrow will be better.  If it’s not, then I will still make it through it like I do every other bad day. It’s all about continuing to move forward no matter 

I hope everyone had a good day.  *Big Hugs*

West Texas Sandstorm

I hate sandstorms! Yes I should be used to it by now.  I’ve lived in West Texas all my life and I’ve lived in very close proximity to cotton fields all my life.  It’s been a while since we’ve had a bad one and I wasn’t quite prepared for it like I usually am.  My room is now a sandbox because of my old crappy windows and there’s a haze throughout my entire house.  It’s horrible.  We can’t breathe and I have this sudden urge to brush my teeth.  I really want to take a shower, but I’m afraid I’ll turn into a giant mud ball.  It’s going to be a long dirty day.

What kind of weather are you guys dealing with?  I hope everyone is having an awesome day!  Never forget to be brilliant…even when the weather makes you want to just go back to bed=).

Thursday, February 24, 2011


I'm exhausted, I'm in pain and I need money.  That's a hell of a way to start out the day.  Being an adult is highly over-rated.  I need to work, but my body is physcially and mentally stressed to the max.  There's no more push left in me.  I hate when I let myself get to this point, but sometimes it just seems like it's unavoidable.

Having a chronic illness doesn't give you a magic "you don't have to do shit" card.  You still have to function like everyone else.  You still have bills to pay.  Not to mention all the doctor bills and medication you have to pay for.  Everyone assumes that if you say you have a chronic illness, especially one like Fibromyalgia, that you're taking the easy way out.  How the hell is it the easy way, when you still have to do everything everyone else does, except you have to do it while being sick.

I don't know.  All that is just a thought and just what my experience has been since I "came out" about being sick.  You know since the illness I've had all my life finally has a name now.

Anyways that's enough about that.  I hope everyone has an awesome day.  Don't forget to be brilliant!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Top 10 Things You Want to do Before You Die

What are the top 10 things you want to do before you die?  This is definitely one of those questions that most people can't answer without much consideration.  I'm one of those people.  Hell there's so much I want to much I want to be.  Narrowing it down to the top 10 may be difficult, but I'm going to give it a shot.


  1.   Love myself
  2.  Get published in print
  3.  Write a children's book
  4.  Pay off my house
  5.  Be able to financially support myself
  6.  Understand my illness a little better
  7.  Be known for something...even if it's something   weird          
  8.  Lose least 50 pounds
  9.  Skate again
10.  Find a good man and live happily ever after

Okay so this is what I could come up with right now.  I'll probably think of more things later so expect future posts on this topic. Now tell me what you're top 10 things to do before you die are.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

It's Going to be a Long Day!

I'm woke up an hour and an half before I actually had to be.  This sucks.  I don't sleep enough as it is and then to wake up extra early is quite irritating.

So I guess I'm going to try and eat breakfast without puking, clean my house and get ready for another long day.

I hope everyone has a great day full of energy and for all my chronic illness homies I hope your pain levels are low and your spirits are high.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!  I honestly thought that I would be totally depressed today, but I'm actually happier than I have been in a while.  So what if I'm single...I'm way happier being single than I was in my marriage.  It's sad, but I was slowly suffocating in my marriage and now I can breathe again and live my life.  My life is really hard and extremely stressful, but it's good and I have a lot of people who love me.  A man would be nice, but I don't need one.

I hope that everyone is having an awesome day.  Remember that today is really just another day, because every day should be about love.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Scandalous Men or Should I Say Boys

It's amazing how scandalous guys can be. I'm glad I   can still see through the bullshit.  Why do they see fit to lie and play games when it's not even necessary. Honestly why do they play games if they have no clue on how to play them in the first place?

I have to admit that this one had the nice guy routine down pretty good.  Oh you know.  He was sweet and charming blah, blah, blah.  Something wasn't right though and I could feel it and then he put it out there for the whole world to see.  Maybe the other girls don't mind that, but I'm not a skanky follower who puts up with bullshit.

So as I sit back and laugh at this multitude of girls all drooling and chasing after the same guy I'm truly grateful to have been put through hell in previous relationships because my asshole detector has been perfected.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Almost Done Cleaning!

I'm almost done cleaning my house.  I think I might actually get everything done this time.  The pain is horrible, but I'm getting more and more excited about the way the house is looking so it'skeeping me moving forward.  I'm feeling quite accomplished right now.  I think I may take a quick lunch break, update Phobia: LIving in Constant Fear, finish cleaning and then go to BED!

I hope everyone is having a productive day!

Positive Thinking and All That Stuff

The snow keeps falling and the pain keeps getting worse.  It literally hurts to breathe right now so that should tell you how much moving hurts.  Days like this make me wonder how I can keep living with Fibromyalgia, but then I remember I've had days like this before and I made it through them.  I may cry and I may wish I was dead, but tomorrow is a new day.  If I'm in pain tomorrow then the next day is a new chance to feel better.

Positive thinking is hard as hell to do when you have a chronic illness, but it's the difference between living and dying.  I could spend the rest of my life feeling like it's the end of the world.  I could refuse to get out of bed.  I could refuse to accept that I'm sick, but all this will do is kill me.  I may feel like I want to die sometimes, but I don't want to die.  I want to live despite my illness.  I don't want to die because of it.

Life is beautiful even when a chronic illness makes it a little hard to handle sometimes.  Find your strength, find your peace and find yourself.  LIfe is what you make it.  Don't lay down and die when you still have the ability to stand up and fight.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Still Snowing!

I can't believe it's still snowing. This is pretty crazy for West Texas. The electricity went out this morning, but thankfully I slept through it. It will probably go out again so I guess I better get ready.

After having above average temperatures since Winter began it's kind of nice having normal Winter weather. Don't get me wrong I despise the cold, but the snow is so much prettier than looking at dead grass and dirt every day.

I hope that everyone has an awesome day! Stay warm and be brilliant!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Today is "Tina has to clean the house" day. It's time to suck it up and get this place looking like a home again. The Fibromyalgia better stay out of my way today because I'm not in the mood to deal with it.

Sometimes I allow Fibromyalgia to take over because I feel like I have no strength left to fight, but I have to change my ways because I'm never going to get anywhere if I continue letting this illness lead the way. The last 20 years have taught me that it's only going to get worse so I can't put my life on hold and hope they find a cure.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life saying I would have done this and I would have done that if I wasn't sick. I want to say I did all this despite being sick. I want to be able to say that no illness is going to hold me back from what I want to do. I'm going to use Fibromyalgia as my strength so that it can never be my weakness.

So first things first I need a clean house so I can concentrate. Wish me luck. There's a lot to do. I hope everyone has a fantastic day and for all of you who have gotten hit by this wicked winter storm-be safe and stay warm.

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