Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Warning: Bad Flare Day

It’s days like the last two that remind me how sick I am. I’m in a really bad flare and I’m extremely annoyed with the fibro…more so than usual. Last night I had a low-grade fever and I felt like I had been hit by a truck and was still being drug by it. Today the back of my head and my neck hurt really bad. Oh and I’m itching…everywhere! I’m blessed that most days are tolerable, but I hate days like this. This is one of the worst flares I’ve had and I’m praying that it ends soon. I despise fibro, but I’m still glad that I finally got a diagnosis so that I can share the way I feel without the fear of everyone thinking I’m crazy. I know there are many fibro skeptics who may still think I’m crazy, but they don’t count. Those of us with fibro know and understand how each other feels even if no one else does and that makes a world of difference…especially on the bad days. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will be as pain-free as possible. Gentle hugs to all of my fibro friends.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I Remember...Maybe Someday

I remember when I could wake up, take a shower, clean the house, go to work and still have energy to hang out with my friends. I remember when I could remember everything. I remember when I could write on a daily basis without this fog getting in the way. I remember being happy and full of dreams. I remember everything being so simple (even though I thought it was hard back then). I remember my life before the Fibro took over and I miss it.

I get so irritated when people don’t take Fibro seriously. They act like we can put it aside and forget about it. I have been thinking about getting a purple ribbon tattoo and my mom actually asked me why I wanted it, and why I couldn’t just forget about the Fibro. I was in shock. You don’t tell that to someone who has cancer so why would you say it to anyone with a chronic illness. I wish every day that I could be the person I use to be and that I didn’t have to deal with this illness, but that’s not the way it is.

We had a family gathering last week and everyone was talking about how bad they hurt when the weather changes. I jokingly said that I hurt every time the wind changes directions and of course I got the “oh come on” and “whatever” responses from everyone. I was joking when I said it, but they’re my family and they should know by now that I hurt every day, so technically I do hurt every time the wind changes directions. I don’t know if it’s that they just don’t understand or if they don’t want to understand. Whatever it is I hope that someday they understand how much it hurts me. Sometimes that actually hurts worse than the Fibro.

Maybe someday we won’t have to “prove” how much we hurt and how much our bodies are malfunctioning. Maybe someday everyone will understand. Maybe someday we can freely talk about how we feel without everyone saying that all we do is complain. Maybe someday there will be a cure and the Fibro will be just a memory, like the memories we have now of the lives we use to have.

Total Pageviews