Please don’t act like you know what I’m going through, because you have no idea. I know many of you are just trying to be sympathetic, but I don’t need your sympathy. This is my life…this is what I have to deal with and I accept it. My life is never going to be the same and there are certain aspects of my old life that I will continue to mourn the loss of, but my new life is still full of possibilities. Everything is just going to be a little harder now.
I still have my hopes and dreams and most of all I still have me. I’m still the same inside even though physically I can’t do all the things I use to do. I still have the same big heart, but now I may not be able to help you out the way I use to be able too. That hurts me the most. When I’m able I’ll still be there, but I have limitations now that I must abide by or the pain will be so unbearable that I want to give up. I can’t keep doing that to myself.
I hate the pain, but I hate the way people treat me more. I’m not lazy and this isn’t an excuse to run away from responsibility. Every night I dream about being a “normal” person. A person who doesn’t have to live with pain, exhaustion and brain fog. Don’t judge me unless you truly know me. Those of you who knew me before Fibro took over my life know the real me. If the rest of you don’t want to take the time to get to know me then that’s on you. I don’t have the time or the patience to deal with anyone who wants to make judgments before they know the whole story.
My dream all of my life has been to write children’s books. That’s still my dream, but the Fibro isn’t going to make it an easy dream to accomplish. I can’t remember anything anymore and I can’t recall simple words. Everyone use to call me the human dictionary and now I get excited if I spell my name right. I’m struggling right now just to write this. I can’t think of the right words. This is all part of the Fibro and it’s one of the hardest parts to deal with. It’s not cool when you feel like you are going crazy.
I have kept a lot of my feelings inside, but that’s going to change. I can’t hide inside myself anymore. If you call me lazy you better be ready for a fight. I’m not going to just laugh it off anymore. I’m so tired of crying because no one understands or believes me when I say how bad the pain is. If I say I’m too tired to do something then I AM too TIRED. This isn’t something I can control. I don’t have a magic button so I can turn the Fibro off and on. It doesn’t work that way.
The best thing you can do for me and for everyone else who has Fibro is to learn about it. Read about all of the symptoms because it’s not just about the pain. Don’t judge us…we have enough to deal with.
