This may sound a little bitchy, but it's been a very long 3 weeks and the pain is excruciating. There have been too many people in my life these past few weeks who have expected me to respect their feelings when they don't want to respect mine. They want me to except their faults when they refuse to except mine and the one that hurts the most is that there are way too many people in my life who can't accept that I'm sick. So I apologize in advance for the following rant, but I have to get my feelings out some way.
To all the Fibromyalgia skeptics who refuse to try to understand: If you don’t like what I do or how I live my life get over it. You have no idea what it’s like to be me. You have no idea how it feels to not be able to remember what it feels like to not be in pain. You don’t know what it feels like to watch the person you used to be fade away. When you’re sick and in constant pain your priorities change. I used to worry myself sick on how to pay the bills and even about how others perceived me. Now I worry about if I’m going to be able to walk in the morning or if I’m going to be puking all day again. The bills will get paid eventually and if you don’t like me you can kiss my ass because I don’t have the time or energy to mess with you. What used to be important doesn’t matter anymore and I understand that those who aren’t sick don’t understand this. See it’s all about understanding. I’ll try to understand you as long as you try to understand me. It’s as simple as that.
To all my family and friends who think that I’m not trying hard enough to do something with my life: All my energy goes into trying to survive my illness. Remember I didn’t choose to be sick and no one hates it more than me. I get overwhelmed so easy and when I get overwhelmed I can’t function at all. It’s all part of my illness. I’m slowly learning how to deal with this so please be patient with me. My goal in life has always been to make all of you proud, but even that’s changed now. My goal in life is to be happy and to completely get rid of that urge to die. It’s still there and it gets a little stronger every time you knock me down and act like my illness isn’t a big deal. So if you want me to succeed then try supporting me. Don’t talk about me behind my back and most of all learn a little about my illness. I’ve been very tolerant of all the eye-rolling and smart remarks, but no more. I have to look out for me because it’s obvious no one else is. If you don’t like it I’m sorry, but know that if you were in my place you would do the same thing.
