I wake-up at the same time almost every day, which is very early, even when I fall asleep late or when I barely sleep at all. I take care of the responsibilities that I’m physically and mentally capable of and then I beat myself up for the things I’m unable to do. I was told again that I just have to push myself. I start pushing myself the moment I wake-up. I have to push myself to take a shower, to get dressed, brush my teeth, do my hair and make-up, clean the house, work…I have to push myself just to live. I don’t take anything for granted anymore. All these things I used to do without even thinking and now just to take a shower I have to make sure I have enough energy so that I don’t fall. I’m no longer able to shave my legs every day or fix my hair. These things take energy that I need so that I can do something else so they’re only done when absolutely needed. My house isn’t spotless, but I do the best I can. While cleaning I have to decide if the pain is really going to be worth it or if my time would be better spent resting so that the pain doesn’t get out of control. This all depends on how mentally strong I am. If mentally I can handle the pain, then I’ll probably over-do it and get most everything done. If my mind is weak then I’ll take it easy until it’s stronger because I’ve learned that I can go from being happy to wanting to die in a very short amount of time.
My point to all this is to never tell someone with a chronic illness that they just have to push themselves to get things done. You have no idea what’s going on inside their mind and body. It seems like an easy solution to you, but it’s one we already use. If we didn’t push ourselves then we wouldn’t be here anymore.
