This is definitely a Fibro kind of day. I have no energy and I feel like an elephant is sitting on me. I’ve been trying to get some stuff done around the house, but it’s pointless. I’m more than ready for bed, but I know that when I get there I won’t be able to sleep. I hate days like this. When you can’t do anything it gives you too much time to think and when you have too much time to think the day usually doesn’t end well.
I know I’m suppose to get use to this new life with this freaking illness, but I can’t stop thinking about how things would be if I wasn’t sick. What kind of job would I have? Would I have kids? Would I have written my first children’s book yet? Would I be the person everyone wishes I were? These questions and more run through my head on a daily basis.
Another thing I wonder about is if my life would be any different if I was diagnosed 20 years ago. I’m a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, but I still have to wonder. If I could be blessed with a week of no symptoms that would be all I ever asked for. I’ve had chronic pain since I was 10 years old, so it’s so hard for me to remember what it feels like not to be in pain. I just want to remember. I just want that one chance to be me without all these annoying symptoms slowing me down.
Maybe someday they’ll find a cure for all this insanity. Until then, I’m just me…with Fibromyalgia.
