I remember when I could wake up, take a shower, clean the house, go to work and still have energy to hang out with my friends. I remember when I could remember everything. I remember when I could write on a daily basis without this fog getting in the way. I remember being happy and full of dreams. I remember everything being so simple (even though I thought it was hard back then). I remember my life before the Fibro took over and I miss it.
I get so irritated when people don’t take Fibro seriously. They act like we can put it aside and forget about it. I have been thinking about getting a purple ribbon tattoo and my mom actually asked me why I wanted it, and why I couldn’t just forget about the Fibro. I was in shock. You don’t tell that to someone who has cancer so why would you say it to anyone with a chronic illness. I wish every day that I could be the person I use to be and that I didn’t have to deal with this illness, but that’s not the way it is.
We had a family gathering last week and everyone was talking about how bad they hurt when the weather changes. I jokingly said that I hurt every time the wind changes directions and of course I got the “oh come on” and “whatever” responses from everyone. I was joking when I said it, but they’re my family and they should know by now that I hurt every day, so technically I do hurt every time the wind changes directions. I don’t know if it’s that they just don’t understand or if they don’t want to understand. Whatever it is I hope that someday they understand how much it hurts me. Sometimes that actually hurts worse than the Fibro.
Maybe someday we won’t have to “prove” how much we hurt and how much our bodies are malfunctioning. Maybe someday everyone will understand. Maybe someday we can freely talk about how we feel without everyone saying that all we do is complain. Maybe someday there will be a cure and the Fibro will be just a memory, like the memories we have now of the lives we use to have.
